Of all the videos on my YouTube channel the one below has to be in my top 5 favourites. Not only because thinking back over my disastrous dating history is always hilarious (seriously, I could write a very honest book about it but bookshops would only ever put it in the ‘comedy’ section!) but also because so many people contacted me afterwards to say they’d had exactly the same experiences or shared it on Facebook with ‘same’ or ‘this is my life’.
Obviously dating is never an easy thing- if it were the multi billion pound singles industry wouldn’t exist!- but dating when you’re disabled or have a long-term illness is beyond awful! Thankfully I am now off the market; two and a half years I didn’t even know she existed, now we’re married, own a house and two gorgeous dogs! True love exists!
But in my experience all too often people I went on dates with would fall into two categories:
The ‘Oh My God, I Would Kill Myself’ Girls
Yes, someone did actually once say that to me on a first date… Funnily enough we didn’t have a second. These are the people who feel that disabilities really should be listed alongside your picture on a dating website. Preferably with a flashing neon sign and a screaming warning siren. They will slowly back out of a really great date if they get the merest hint something is ‘off’ about you. Sensitivity is not their deal. It’s understandable, they probably just haven’t come across someone with a disability or long term illness before.
The ‘Let Me Do That For You’ Girls
Everything you do is ‘inspiring’ or ‘amazing’, the fact you get out of bed in the morning is to be applauded. Ok, I can’t lie, that is rather nice for a while… but gosh, does it get old quickly! This girl will immediately find you a chair and make sure you never have to get up for a drink. They’ll repeat whatever is said around you very sloooowly and cleeeearly. Don’t mistake me, that’s all very helpful, but the person you’re dating should be your equal. It’s difficult to date someone if they think you are an adorable cute thing that needs to be taken care of like a little fluffy bunny.
My 10 Worst Dates
So, without further ado: My 10 Worst Dates! Not all of these are disabled-related and one of them I’m pretty sure was a serial killer in training but they are all terrible.
It’s… not good.
There are exceptions of course and I’m married to one! I knew she was the girl for me when, two weeks after we met, she came to pick me up from work, noticed I was on crutches (when I hadn’t been that morning) and didn’t bat an eyelid.
She doesn’t mother me but she also doesn’t push me to my absolute limit in that awful way some people do. Yes, it’s important for independence to do as much as I can- but that doesn’t mean I should! There is no shame in asking for help and no shame in preserving energy for important things later on.
Now please, do chime in below with your experiences- what’s it like dating men? And is it harder to get a date if you’re a disabled man?